Bleeding Out For A Sense Of Purpose
As soon as our brain developed a sense of awareness and our mind became capable of processing what the world has to offer, we were fed with the expectations of what society demands of us. And without hesitation, we mindlessly scatter to meet those demands, hoping for a better tomorrow, a better future for ourselves, but at what cost? A taste of normalcy? Recognition? Validation? A piece of our sanity?
In reality, there is no real definitive answer, no textbook with a step by step on how to survive, and next thing you know your life is no longer yours. Everyone wanders on this earth searching for a reason, a drive, all the things that could give them a sense of fulfillment and purpose. But there always seems to be a common question that derives from it, what are you willing to give to obtain those things?
After years of trying to find the answers in all the wrong places, all the wrong people, and all the wrong things, I woke up one morning and came to this burning realization. When did I allow everyone to define my value and society to determine my success? From a very early age, it was etched into my mind that success followed the outlines of this guide; graduate high school, graduate college, find a career, and start a family. But you don’t stay naïve for long, and soon enough you’ll realize that everything comes at a price.At the time, I was working three jobs to scrape by while being a full-time college student. I’d tear myself down when I scored below what I wanted on an exam, and at the end of the day I’d feel restless. This was my life and I was losing myself more and more as everything started to blend together. Until, it hit me.
What am I doing? If this is my purpose and this is what I wanted, why do I feel so miserable?
I gave up everything to chase a dream so far that I neglected every other aspect of my life; my friends, my passions, even myself. And still, I never felt like I was doing enough. So I spiraled, because this wasn’t how I wanted to live my life anymore. Nobody is going to apologize for the youth you’ve wasted, the time you threw away for something that wasn’t worth it, or all the pain you’ve endured. There is no shame in wanting to start all over again, because this is your world and everyone is just living in it. So live the life you’ve always wanted to live, love until that’s all you know how to do, and laugh until your lungs give out. That is your only purpose.
